We are to blame

From time past even from the days of the Bible, men have been known to take as many wives as possible even concubines. Men take up and sleep with their maids and slaves and their wives do not just say nothing but can even be involved in given the husband the women (recall Abraham, Joseph, David and Solomon of the Bible). Women were given as gifts to a visitor, even till date in some cultures and religions in Nigeria women are still given to visitors. Going back to history men have always used women for entertainment in gatherings and parties, the Roman Empire was notorious for this.

I had to go down history to really understand what is really happening today it's no more a question of have women been itemized? It's a question of did it just happen? are women just coming to the the realization? or perhaps unlike before we have found our voices? And decided to use them.

History is only repeating itself if we tell ourselves the truth, the difference is just that women nowadays are more enlightened and have been given power and platforms unlike before to raise their voices and kick against this ages long tradition and I think men still respected women too then to an extent despite having so many of them at his disposal. So there were no real reason to change the stat-to-quo.

Can women stop being seen as some kind of possession by men? Can the dreams and goals of the "Feminist" be actualize especially in our African society today? I will just give you a ride on how hard if possible it is to change just the Nigerian society. 

I Went for a childhood playmate who is also an extended relative, marriage introduction. I haven't seen her for more than 8 yrs... Naturally I was excited to see her after so long. Then I saw her, I called her name from across the room where we were just loud enough for her to hear me with a big smile and a wave. But to my surprise madam turned to my direction gave me a snare and a look hard enough to freeze my face from breaking another smile for the rest of my life! After a while she walked up to me where I sat alone licking my wounds and respecting myself and said to me with a straight face you came for my marriage introduction and you are calling me like that, I was stunned and couldn't utter a word for the next 20secs... Then it dawned on me, the message madam married woman was trying to pass. Then I said rather sarcastically "sorry aunty, good evening aunty". Then she walked out. Yes she is older than I'm with not more than 4 years.

In a society where when a woman gets married she suddenly sees other single ladies of her age bracket as a lesser class of human beings. This is only common among the female folks. A society where a woman's achievement is seen as nothing unless she is married. 

A society where women pressure women about marriage, having a boyfriend and sugar daddy.

A society where money can buy women, rumor has it that 19 years old Nollywood actress Regina Daniel just got married to a 59 years old billionaire as  a 6th wife, and people even her mother are in full support. 

Well as long as majority of women especially in Nigeria  sees men as poverty alleviation creatures and upgraders. There will be no respect what so ever even in a thousand years for women, all the feminist in the world  can come together for a meeting with all the women in the world and nothing will ever change. 

In fact in the coming years with everything going on now, one can tell it will be worst. Because now more than ever we have more girls with self esteem as low as the ground who believe that  having a man  will somehow magically change that, and are ready to keep any man regardless of what kind of man he is and how he treats them just to gain acceptance in the society.

Again most women has lost their dignity and self respect to money they are ready to be a "side chick" to a married man or the 20th wife to the one who is ready to get married as long as the money is there. 

It's almost a hopeless situation. Well something can be done individually in our homes. I borrow the words of a dear friend, "you must teach your daughters to be confident". Make them understand that their self respect and dignity should be guarded by every means possible and no amount of money on earth is worth it. And as long as they are dilligent and focused they can afford for themselves what ever any man can get them. 

While doing this also be careful not to make them see men as unimportant in their lives. This job still boils down to the women in the families. 

So the problem of women is caused by women and can only be stopped by women.. If we hate ourselves less, compare ourselves less, envy ourselves less, criticize ourselves less and pressurize ourselves less. The male folks are only taking advantage of the chaos and competition among us. 

Well until then, women will continue to be acquired and treated like one of every man's material possessions.

If you notice, I have refrained from talking about the way and manner the average modern Nigerian man treat a woman/wife. Because that is just signs and symptoms of the problem not the problem itself. Which is women themselves.

Thel me what you think?

Thel me are women just to blame? 

Do you think women have been Itemized in the Nigeria society today?
This is Thelmate, let's talk women!